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An act of classic self-preserving displacement

Posted by Sarah Dunkley on Jul 30, 2018 2:08:09 PM

An act of classic self-preserving displacement

Now it is Monday...

The Monday after the weekend before...

It is not a good time to be a Peter...

The eyes are heavy... The body weary... The head full of something that feels like cotton wool... But let's be really specific here... If it is cotton wool then it's cotton wool that drank too much at a wedding and danced to MC Hammer.

At the weekend a member of the Customer Involvement team got hitched and we all celebrated like only involvement professionals know how - with careless abandon tempered with an obsessive desire to double check that everyone else is alright all the time.

But that was Saturday...

Now it is Monday...

What happened to Sunday I cannot say... Although I retain vague memories of snoozing, half-eaten Sunday lunch, regret and shame.

Now it is Monday...

As I nurse a pint of coffee and limply log on to my computer, I am suddenly struck rigid with horror. THIS IS THE WEEK I HAVE TO COMPLETE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENT FOR THE FIRST QUARTER 2013-14!! Now, for those of you reading this that are not involvers, please let me explain to you exactly what an Impact Assessment is:

The corporate perspective: "The Customer Involvement Impact Assessment is a really exciting document that gives the team a golden opportunity to celebrate its successes, review what has been less successful and develop plans for the next period, all the while showing how customers make a difference!"

The Customer Involvement perspective: "OH NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Not the ****** Impact Assessment! Not again! That takes so long to do! Didn't we just do one of them last year?? Ah ****! I promised myself I'd have a new job before that needed writing again. I did you know. I really did. I made myself a solemn vow. How did this ***** happen? How?! ****!"

It is for this reason that, in an act of classic self-preserving displacement, I immediately become obsessed by the new financial year itself. Wow! 2013-2014... That once seemed so far into the future... I always thought that by now we'd have been conquered by some form of superior extraterrestrial race that would make us their slaves. At the very least I definitely expected to have my own robot slave by now.
Past readers of this blog should know by now that it's at this point I'm usually guaranteed to shoehorn in a barely concealed sales pitch for the Clearview Customer Engagement system. In this context, such a plug would almost certainly be approached like this:
"In the past it took me ages to complete the Impact Assessment but now I click a button and it's all done for me so, in a way, I do have a robot slave! Welcome to the world of tomorrow! Hurrah!"

I wish that the system really could do this. I wish it was a massively elaborate piece of kit, giant in size with huge pumping pistons and a steam whistle. I could stand in front of this wonderful machine all day wearing a white coat and holding a clipboard, ticking off the various bells, whistles and hoots that spew from her belly. Then, finally, on a conveyor belt before me, I would watch as a pristine, 100% correct and accurate Impact Assessment for the first quarter 2013-14 is delivered to me...

But this simply isn't really the case... Customer Engagement does help - a lot - and means that I can pull all my data together painlessly - but no matter what happens the Impact Assessment is still going to take a few days to get together - and maybe even longer if I don't snap out of this wedding-induced-fug and stop writing blogs when I should be doing it..

Time for another pint of coffee...

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Topics: Customer Engagement

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